I am not a
person who enjoys conflict. In fact, it
makes me uncomfortable. For years, I tried to avoid it whenever possible. If a
restaurant got my order wrong or didn’t cook my food right, I wouldn’t even send
it back. I’d just eat it, inwardly upset, but not mad enough to do anything
about it.
Enter my
husband, someone who has no problem with conflict or confrontation. It was a
little bit of an eye-opener when I first spent some significant time with his
family (for all you Kroesches, remember the camping trip of 1998?) and
discovered they had no problem disagreeing or even arguing with each other . .
. in front of other people. What am I
getting into? I wondered.
Well, God has
used my non-conflict loving ways and my husband’s dive-in-headfirst personalities
to balance each other out. And over our fifteen years of marriage, I’ve slowly
learned how to handle conflict. No more do I morosely dine on inaccurate
restaurant food—I confidently say, “Take it back!”
Well, it may
sound confident, but I’m still a tad uncomfortable underneath it all. And when
it comes to conflict in interpersonal relationships, I’m getting better, but
I’ve still got a ways to go.
Which brings me
to my “risk” of today—not just one but two moments of getting out of my comfort
zone. Number one moment: Meeting with my son’s teacher; number two: meeting
with my son’s principal, both at my husband’s and my request. There was nothing
majorly wrong, per se, but there were some classroom and school issues we
wanted to address. And I knew that some of our comments might not be received
very well. I was right. There were a few moments of tense, awkward silence. But
we got through it.
And the end
result? We’ll see how it plays out in the long run, but I was overall pleased
with the conversations. We got our points across, felt our concerns were heard,
and were offered suggestions for how to address the issues that will be
implemented this week.
I’m sure there
are a lot of people similar to me who don’t like conflict, who would prefer to
avoid those uncomfortable conversations. But if we always steer clear of
talking about anything uncomfortable, the problem will still exist,
relationships will stay on a surface level, we won’t be challenged or
stretched. Being a mom is a role that’s making me take on those uncomfortable
conversations more and more. If I am to be my children’s advocate and champion,
then I can’t avoid conflict or confrontation. And God is teaching me how to
stand up for things much more important than a messed-up meal, to pray for
wisdom to know what needs to be said and ask for the courage to say it, even if
it’s uncomfortable or not well received.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. —Proverbs 27:6
